


Feed Your Head

by AngelaTommo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Depression, Drugs, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Weight Gain, lonely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2013-07-22
Packaged: 2017-12-20 23:35:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelaTommo/pseuds/AngelaTommo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When logic and proportion<br/>Have fallen sloppy dead<br/>And the white knight is talking backwards<br/>And the Red Queen's "Off with her head!"<br/>Remember what the dormouse said</p>
<p>Feed your head.</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Louis gets addicted when he plays "Button, Button, Who's got the button!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>(drugs)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Go ask Alice

**Author's Note:**

> READ THIS FIRST BEFORE READING.
> 
>  
> 
> This is based off the song/book "Go ask alice". You can look it up!
> 
> Louis is in his teen years just going into high school when he buys a diary to write in.
> 
> This diary becomes his friend.
> 
>  
> 
> WHEN YOU SEE "Dear Diary" THAT IS HIM WRITING IN HIS DIARY.
> 
> WHEN IT IS JUST A SETTING SUCH AS WHEN HE'S TALKING TO NIALL ABOUT MARRIAGE THAT IS A SCENE THAT ACTUALLY IS HAPPENING AND THAT IS NOT IN THE DIARY. ITS NOT THAT HARD TO GO BY. 
> 
>  
> 
> THIS IS LOUIS TOMLINSON AND HIS DRUG ADDICTION HAVE FUN
> 
> ALSO THIS IS LARRY SO IDK IT GETS TO IT FURTHER IN THE STORY BYE.

Dear Diary, 

Hi! My names Louis. Louis Tomlinson is my full name, I don't really like it as much. Anyways, I guess I'm buying you because I feel like I have something worth wild in my life. Something to look forward too and since we moved and I started a new school, it's important I have a place to be me. My dad got a new job as a head principle and I'm guessing that's a big deal because my mother wont shut up about it. We got a new house too, it's massive, maybe I'll throw a few parties or get togethers. That is, if I make any friends. I'm really not so popular. I never was. At my old school, nobody really knew who I was. They knew me, but they didn't really KNOW me. Anyways, I hope that this school will be different. I just hope I can make a fresh start, I have to be more outgoing. Maybe this place wont be as bad.

************************

"I can't do this. I'm going to look like a huge knob on my first day." Louis sat down on his bed, hearing the mattress springs rattle as he sat. School was tomorrow and he had NOTHING to wear. Everything he put on made him look fat or just properly awful. His mother was down his neck trying to fix him with ties, and suites and nice church clothes when all he wanted to do was lay in his bed, eat ice cream and never be seen again. But that was never going to work. Louis' mother would always be breathing down his neck about school and how to be proper and to get a good education. But really, all Louis wanted to do was go out and explore the world. Do something new in his life. But no, he's stuck here in this shitty room with shitty clothes and a properly shitty personality!

"Don't say that, Boo," his mother said, folding the clothes Louis has just thrown across the room. "You're going to look stunning and you know it. High School is going to be the best time of your life."

"Yeah, well I don't care." Louis sighed, holding back the tears that threatened to escape. He can't look so vonurable in front of his own mother for christ sakes. 

She sat down on the bed next to Louis, her hand thrown around his neck. She whispered into his ear, "Just give it a chance." 

************************  
September 2nd

Dear Diary, 

I remember when me and my mother could talk for endless hours about how we feel, or what was going on in there days. But now, everything is different. Maybe it's because I'm older but we don't talk like that anymore. Maybe it's because she's just as lost for words as I am. But I wish I could just tell her I'm afraid.

************************

Dear Diary,

Well Diary if I thought my life couldn't get anymore shittier than it already is, I was dead wrong. I've gained 8 pounds since I moved and my face is breaking out, coming to the point that it can resemble a pepperoni pizza. Anyways, it looks like I found my first friend. His name is Niall Horan. He's a year younger than me, but he's an alright lad. I've seen him around school and a hamburger joint called Nando's. We both have similar interests and problems. Besides gaining weight because he was telling me over a smoothie how he can eat the world and still not gain any weight! Jesus, the luck some people have... Anyways, now I have somebody to talk to and walk with in school. Maybe I wont feel so alone anymore. Maybe. I've decided that I'm going to watch my figure, even if nobody else does. 

************************

"Niall?" Louis turned around in his wooden chair, facing Niall who was lounging on his bed, flat on his stomach on his phone scrolling through something. 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you suppose that we'll ever get married." It was a simple question. But it had alot of meaning to it. We were still just in High School but the thought of getting married and actually settling down with someone was always on Louis' mind. 

"Well I'm just trying to get through high school I can't even think about getting married no-" Louis cut him off

"Not now you twit! I'm talking about ever." Louis took a breath, "You know, like when we get older and stuff" 

Niall placed his phone down on the bed and looked at Louis. "Well, I guess we can. I mean, we're gonna have to some day!"

Louis nodded his head and turned back to his diary. It's great that he can share openly about his Diary and how he feels with Niall. Nothing is hidden like it is with the rest of his family. 

************************

Dear diary,

Isn't it crazy how time went so slowly before me and Niall met. Now its nearly summer and he's going away for camp some place in Vermont and I'm stuck here. It's going to be hard without him. He is my only friend after all. Maybe we're too dependent on each other, but hey, what are best friends for? At least mom and dad understand how lonely I'll be and will let me make 2 long distant calls to him. But it's still going to be a terrible summer. 

************************

"I've never been so bored in my life" was all Louis could think as he walked down his street. It was surrounded by shops that he wishes he could go in and buy everything from, but sadly he doesn't have enough money. Whatever, it's always been this way. Louis stops by a small shop that sells nice shirts and summer clothes. Louis stepped inside and was browsing the clothes when a tap on his shoulder made him turn around. It was his old best mate from his old school, Zayn Malik. Shit has he changed. Much hotter now. 

"Louis! Mate I haven't seen you in a while, what happened to ya? You just dissapeared?" Zayn squealed, bringing Louis in for a tight hug. Louis laughed and hugged back, while letting go he took a deep breath.

"Yeah yeah I know, It's just that I moved here since my dad got a new job at some school, so I haven't had touch with anyone back from Doncaster. How are things? I didn't know you worked here?" 

"Yeah" Zayn laughed, "good about your dad, and things are pretty good, yeah I've got this job a while back, my mum was sick of me slacking off and sleeping all day so she thought this could help me" Zayn air quotes "get my act together". They both laugh.

"Wow that's great. I missed you bud." Louis says, slapping a light hand to Zayns shoulder. Zayn smirks and begins talking.

"Well, if you miss me that much you should stop by my flat! M' parents are gone for the weekend and I'm having a little party."

Louis thought for a moment. Parties really aren't his thing. And he doesn't even have anything to wear! But he's properly bored here without Niall so he might as well make a few friends. 

"Alright."

************************


	2. Logic And Porportion Have Fallen

Some of these guys must be college age, Louis thought as he stepped into Zayns house. He was surrounded by punk rock guys and hippies that reek of weed and sweat. Why did he even agree to coming. Sitting at home alone sleeping sounds a whole lot better right now. 

"Button button!" one of the boys said, "Who's got the button!" he had remembered seeing him around school, Louis thought. His name was Nick Grimshaw. He was always so quiet and kept to himself. But hey, Louis was the same. Louis smiled because, really, he had no idea what button button was and he didn't want to seem like he's not cool or anything. They all handed out coco colas and I took one, taking a long swish of it. It tasted rancid. "Uh, Zayn I think your soda's gone flat or something?" 

Zayn came over to me and threw an arm around me. "Lou, it's a game. Don't worry about it, here come sit." Zayn lead me into the living room where there were a bunch of bean bags set around in a circle. All of a sudden my head became light, almost felt as if it was going to fall right off. "What was in that drink?" I asked, but got no reply. 

"Here," zayn said, pointing to a bean bag, "sit next to Harry, he can babysit you. Aint that right Haz?" and the boy- Harry- shrugged and patted the seat next to him. Zayn walked off as Louis quickly sat down on the seat, feeling his legs become a little numb. He coughed and looked around, the room begging to turn into different shapes and colors, and oh God, they'd poisoned him, they're going to kill him for sure. Louis wanted to run but his feet were melted into the floor. A soft tune was playing in the background as Harry put a hand on his shoulder. Louis flinched and looked back, his mouth open in the shape of an "O". 

"Have you poisoned me?" Louis asked, eyes wide with fear and wonder. Harry laughed and rubbed his hand up and down Louis' back. It was relaxing. 

"Course' not mate." Harry sighed, moving to sit right next to Louis. Maybe it was a little too close. Louis couldn't tell. Everything seemed to close. Like it was closing in on him. It started to get hard to breathe. 

"Relax dude, you're gonna have a heart attack if you keep fighting it," Harry cooed quietly into Louis' ear "Just let it happen." 

And that's what Louis did. He let it happen. He sunk back into the warm feeling of Harry's chest, feeling it rise and fall with every breath that he took. Looking around the room he realized that the walls had turned purple, and the clocks were flying in air. Louis looked down at his fingers that had suddenly grown faces. Louis laughed. He laughed so hard he thought that he couldn't feel his stomach. Nothing was really funny, he just couldn't stop laughing! 

But laughing turned into tears, as Louis turned twoards Harry, whispering into his ear, "I'm gonna die, what have you's done?" 

Harry wrapped his arms around Louis, kissing his cheek before saying "I got you, enjoy it. You're going to have a beautiful trip, I promise. That's why I didn't get any, because I'm going to take care of you."

 

There are no words to explain it to anyone. For the first time in my life I felt beautiful. 

 

***************

 

Dear Diary,

Well, now that it's over I don't know if I should feel ashamed or elated. I guess I'm glad they did it to me because I can honestly say it wasn't my decision. It was a wonderful feeling. But it's over, I had the experience now, and I'll never do it again.

 

***************

 

"Boo?" Louis mother called, knocking on the door. Louis sighed and rolled his eyes. 

"Come in." He yelled. 

"It's almost noon, love. You have a call." 

Louis got up from his bed and stretched his arms and back out. "Who is it?" 

"The boy that dropped you off from that party last night, Harry," She said, "Do you want me to tell him you're ill?"

Louis smiled. He may have not admitted it, but Harry was kind of cute. "No mum, I'll take it. Thanks." 

As his mum left the room Louis jumped towards the phone and quickly lifted it off its dial. 

"Hello?" He started slowly, trying to hide his excitement. 

 

***************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback would be great :) 
> 
> Ohhhh so I sense a little romance starting to fling with Lou and Harry?


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Diary,

The summers getting pretty skitsy now. Being with my family in the day and getting high with Harry at night. They don't suspect anything as far as drugs go. But there nagging about my hair, clothes, and attitude enough to drive me crazy. Well, Diary school has finally started again. It's really weird how the same place I hated last term has become my sanctuary this term. I'm down to 103 pounds and feeling GREAT. Whenever I get hungry or tired I just pop a Benny. Harry even gives me some of his stuff so when I'm alone and can't sleep I can pop one. 

**************

"Louis?" A voice called from behind. He was just grabbing some of his books for his up coming class when he heard it. Louis closed his locker and looked. It was Niall. You remember him right? His best mate back from last term. 

"Niall!" Louis smiled, pushing his quiff to one side. 

"I almost didn't recognize you." Niall said. His Irish accent has gotten alot thicker since the last time he saw him. Crazy. 

Louis smiled and breathed a small laugh. "Hey, sorry I didn't call you back on saturday it was just that uh," He tried to think of any excuse rather than say he was out doing acid with my hot college friend Harry. "this weekend was really wild."

"You mean all three weeks I've been home?" Niall said, voice becoming strained and annoyed.

"Wow! It's been three weeks? Oh wow" Louis coughed an awkward laugh "It's just that I've been so busy now and I guess I haven't gotten around to it! It's just that I've kind of been seeing somebody."

"Oh," Niall said looking around, not meeting Louis' eyes. "I've got a man too, his name's Liam. He goes to college back east. I'd really like if you'd meet him one day."

"Hey Lou, you comin to lunch or what?" Zayn said, leaning against the many of lockers.

"Uh y-yeah just give me a sec." Louis said reaching his gaze back to Niall. "Listen I've got to go okay?" Louis made his way past Niall to Zayn.

Niall called from behind "Yeah, well I really hope we can hang out some more if you can. I miss ya' lad." Niall said looking down at the floor.

"Sure," Louis plastered a fake smile, "anytime, just call."

*************

 

Dear Diary,

How could you tell somebody you've outgrown them? Sometimes I wish every straight kid could be turned on like I can. Just once. Feel that first fearful grip and then find out what they're missing. Enjoy the party, instead of getting left out like Niall. I thought about inviting him but he would have gotten really uptight when we started doing the stuff. 

 

*************

"Happy birthday Louis!" His mother and father sang as they held a small circular vanilla ice cream cake in there hands. Candles lit to the age of 17.

Louis smiled as they placed the cake in front of him. Everyone was there, Zayn, Nick, Harry. Oh Harry. He looked so fit tonight. Louis told him to dress nice and put his hair up in the quiff how Louis liked it. He did just so. Louis doesn't really get to hang out with Harry as much as he'd like. Harry was always busy selling his drugs to support his family. And when he wasn't doing that he was studying for Uni. He really is a smart guy. 

"Look your mums on fire" Zayned laughed hysterically. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to snort when Louis parents were in the house, but fuck it, it's HIS birthday anyways. 

Louis mother laughed, "well stand up and blow out your candles!"

"I don't think he can" Harry said, winking at Louis when he turned around to laugh. 

Louis stood up as best as he could and blew his candles out. Could you believe it? Stoned out of our minds and my own parents can't tell the difference. How did they get to the age they are? Who's more out of it? Them or us? 

 

*************

Louis decided to spend the night at Harry's for his birthday. Harry insisted on taking him out to eat at a nice restaurant. And they did, it was so lovely. But now they were back at Harry's place, laying down on his bed, Louis' head on his chest. 

"Harry?" Louis said, not breaking his trance with the ceiling. 

"Hmm?" Harry mumbled and stroked Louis hair softly, 

"Do you ever just," Louis sighed, "just wanna stop it all? Just want to stop the drugs and stop the hiding and just leave?" 

Harry hummed and nodded, hesitating before answering. "Yeah," he started, "but you know, I don't wanna be one of those people who relapse and just start right where they left off. I know if I quit M'not gonna be able to keep it like that for long." Harry sat up straight, cradling Louis' head in his lap. "but I know what you mean."

Louis smiled, this time looking at harry.

 

*************

**Author's Note:**

> SO! tell me what you think, if you're confused about anything let me know in the comments! Please like and share to other people, this will be a continued/chaptered work! <3 Love you all! It has alot of work to be done with it hahaha.


End file.
